Dysfunctional Relationships

“Manifest plainness,

Embrace simplicity,

Reduce selfishness,

Have few desires.”

– Lao Tzu

Relationships are a significant component of how our lives function. If you think about it, most of the things we do are indirectly/directly to maintain or build relationships. As humans, we have thrived on relationships throughout history; our greatest civilizations have been constructed through various types of relationships, whether transactional, personal, or spiritual. Therefore, we must evaluate how each relationship plays in our life and differentiate each type of relationship. Nonetheless, each relationship shares one theme; they all contribute to our life in some way or another; each teaches us various subliminal lessons that we may not even consider just an afterthought. Unfortunately, many of us do not know to differentiate or even approach different types of relationships which is what causes havoc in our modern times.

Do you ever wonder why our divorce rates have gone up over the years? Or why there are so many divorce lawyer commercials? Or you even hear about scandalous custody battles? It’s become the norm in our society. Nowadays, commitment is scarce due to the amassed amount of options available to us. In my opinion, this is very troubling due to the lack of stable households where everyone communicates, and everyone loves one another; we’ve all seen this happen, it’s prevalent to see marriages go through scandalous affairs or “just do it for the kids.” Although it is good to show unification in families it can be a double-edged blade; for instance, many spouses do not display any form of love around their children which is saddening since this emulates the type of family they are bound to have because of learned behaviors. Therefore, this is what contributes to the 40 to 50 percent divorce rate in the United States, according to the American Psychological Association. Unfortunately, this pattern is what causes most divorces around the nation directly and indirectly; additionally, long work hours and higher labor demand may take a toll on relationships more than we fathom. As discussed in my previous article, everything is intertwined with our materialistic cravings with our relationships.

Every relationship has an underlying value; one thing is for certain no relationship should be treated as a means to an end. In other words, we must not treat relationships to get something in return; for many, this is a problematic way to view a relationship though, in fact, it is the healthiest perspective on relationships. Unfortunately, in our world this view is becoming scarcer with the wretched selfishness and entitlement spreading like it’s the black plague and poisoning our emotional and spiritual components. Even, I am still learning to disembowel these negative traits that overpower our will to attain selflessness; ultimately, we must discipline our mind by practicing altruism and genuinely loving one another for who we are as a person rather than superficial traits or what we may receive in exchange. By doing this, we allow ourselves to create loving families and envision our children to the same; we must eradicate all the wretchedness from this world all the grudges, and arrogance that holds our false bravado. As a result, we will create a world with less cynicism and build a civilization of functioning and loving relationships.